Genesis

Bagels, or more specifically, H&H Bagels, have been a family tradition since we moved to New York City in the spring of 2008. Like most of our NYC excursions, it is a tradition that begins with Noam and Raphi, on scooters, hurtling up and down Broadway, terrorizing unsuspecting tourists. I follow, muttering apologies, desperately trying to keep up. While I pay for the bagels, Noam and Raphi meticulously check each candy dispenser in the store, multiple times. You never know when some poor kid is going to deposit a precious quarter, then neglect to pick up his candy. It could happen. Armed with what may very well be the best bagels in the world, we make our way to Riverside Park, settle on our favorite bench and, as we chew our warm doughy lumps, debate our preferred bagel variety (current winner: ‘everything’), develop techniques for scaring away cheeky bagel-snatching squirrels (current favorite: yelling while jumping up and down on the bench), attempt to predict the date of Noam’s and CharlotteB’s upcoming wedding (current estimate: as soon as they’re 17), and speculate on what mommy might be doing (obvious: sleeping). Then we play soccer.

Our bagel time is weekend mornings, and we try to stick to it whenever it isn’t too cold or rainy. Some mornings, if we can’t make it to the park, we camp out on a bench in Broadway’s charming center divide; the ambiance isn’t quite the same, but the bagels taste just as good. Whether in the park or on the street, passerby frequently stop to talk to us (a common side effect of venturing out in public with small children). Dogs come over to say hello, terrifying Raphi. It is our time to bond.

While this has been a glorious tradition, lasting well over two years, I feel it is time for a change.

First, Eden joined the family in June of 2010. Initially, we resisted taking her on our bagel expeditions (she’s a girl). But soon it became clear that while we, the boys, believed our weekend mornings were about bagels and male camaraderie, the boys’ mother felt the goal had been different all along (kids + husband in park eating bagels = hours of extra sleep). Being awakened by Eden appeared to run contrary to that goal. Needless to say, Eden is now a permanent member of our bagel squad, and while she can’t yet participate in the consumption of bagels, she has had, on occasion, cream cheese smeared on her face, and in a freak accident (for which absolutely no evidence exists) may have even been hit by a stray, awkwardly flying bagel. I know very little about little girls, but if Eden is anything like her mother, going to the same park each weekend, to sit on the same bench, to eat the same bagel, just isn’t going to cut it. While she has yet to express displeasure in any coherent manner, I’m certain Noam, Raphi and I will need to develop a far more exciting bagel habit if we’re to avoid the scorn of the second woman in our life.

Second, while I steadfastly believe H&H serve the best bagels in the world, the repressed scientist in me has been presistently protesting the validity of this claim, backed solely by the argument “bagels simply couldn’t taste any better”. Inspired by the many thousands of hours spent (in a previous life) in a dark laboratory staring down a microscope in search of scientific truth, I have embarked on an uncompromising search for bagel truth: are H&H bagels really, quantifiably better than any other bagel? (Okay, fine, I admit I only plan to sample NYC bagels; but seriously people, does anyone actually believe the world’s best bagel could be made anywhere else??)

I think you see where this is going. Noam, Raphi, Eden and I are taking on the grand challenge. The quest to rule them all. We will be venturing out on select weekends (whenever it isn’t too cold or rainy) to all boroughs of New York City, in search of the world’s best bagel. We already have some ideas, some initial directions, but please, if you have any thoughts on the matter, any opinions (and if you’re a New Yorker, I can’t imagine you don’t), do post them here. The four of us promise to follow up on all suggestions, although it may take us a few years… At times, we will be accompanied by distinguished guest judges (Kelly, my wife, has threatened to wake up and accompany us; we shall see). Always, we will vote on whether the bagel-du-jour is “the best”, and post our impressions here (I will be casting Eden’s vote until she knows better; can’t really leave such critical matters to Raphi and Noam — for a while they were partial to blueberry bagels, if you can believe it…). Let the bagel quest begin.